I Don't Know What My Future Holds, But I Know Who Holds My Future.

Two weeks into the semester, and already I am looking for the summer to come peaking behind the snowy cold. Although, when that happens, it will mean saying goodbye to the people that have mattered most to me the past three years. Not forever, but there you have it. It's happened my freshman year. There went people who inspired me, who influenced my art and my mind. And my sophomore year. There went the people with the motivation and talent. And it'll happen this year. Those with kindness, enthusiasm, humor, and grace. The next year, it'll be us. The ones who learned from all the others, and at least attempted such greatness.

It's a new year. I guess you could say it has started off very slowly. I don't have any idea what will happen to me in the next week. Or the next month. Or the one after it. And so forth. No one ever does, do they? I would like to have change in my life. The one I have been living isn't exactly up to par. It's not "doing it" for me, so to speak.

I get these inexplicable ideas in my head that just cannot be shaken. That I could only be in love with so-and-so. Or the only way I'll be happy is if such a thing occurs. It can't be healthy, that's for sure. It scares me, a little. I'm still waiting for things to go back to 'normal' and for whatever reason, I can't understand that this day in and day out is what normal will be until something else shifts. Either via my changing it, or it changing me.

It would be so easy to blame others. But, I don't like to make it easy.

So I'll just keep on keepin' on. Get up. Go to work. Go to class. And back to work. Work out. Go to rehearsal. Learn the steps. Memorize the lyrics. Remember why it's a way of life, instead of a career. Go to bed. Get up. Go to work. Go to class... and on weekends? Do homework. Find some times when friends are around, and go visit. Keep occupied. Work out some more. Pretend it isn't lonely to walk back to an empty room. Wake up, and do it again the next day.

Wash, rinse, repeat as necessary. Wash, rinse, repeat.