Ok. So I just had the most horrific dream... I think... I don't know if it was bad or not. But it was intense. I was in the house I lived in when we first moved to Pittsburgh, the one my parents built together before they seperated. But, my dad wasn't living there, just like he doesn't live with my mom now. I think we was briefly at the house visiting my brother but I know he wasn't living there... I think. All of our own stuff was there, though. And my mom, my brother, and my aunt were clearly in the dream. I can't tell if my grandmother was or not. And I was there. But I was dead.
: Like, I got up off of the couch in our old family room, and I said, "hello?" to my mom, I think, and she was like "Mich?" and I said "You can hear me?" I was watching her in the kitchen... And she said "Yeah, and I can see you" and she gave me a hug. And she was like, "I can't believe I can see you and hear you." I tried it with my brother, and he could too. I can't remember if my grandmother and aunt could or not. I think they could. And I knew I only had a week to be there and talk to them. My dad couldn't either.
But then I figured out I could write. I don't know if I could pick up a utensil, I think I could. But in my dream, I distinctly remembered this happening to my grandfather, too (it didn't, in real life) and he only had a week, and when he wrote to us after he died, he traced words into styrafoam plates, etc. to communicate... none of that actually happened.
Oh! My aunt could hear me! I asked how I died, and she said I got really sick in September, and that I never went to Italy and I just got worse around new years... So it must have been March... it was nice outside, but I stayed inside. And I asked her if I had been on drugs. She said she didn't know. There were pictures of my out for the funeral that I looked through. My mom picked them, they were all okay.
I told my mom I was scared because I didn't know where I was going, and my mom just pointed my face up to the ceiling (I remember seeing the details of the ceiling really well) and insisting I was going 'up there'. And I knew I was, but only for judgment, but then I was really terrified about after that. Like, REALLY terrified. My mom is really religious, so I asked her if I could communicate with a priest, because I didn't have a last confession, and if I could write it all down (I could use a pencil to write, in my dream i remembered my grandfather couldn't... again, none of that actually happened with my grandfather's death.) but she said I couldn't have confession because, well, i was dead.
At some point, I was talking to people I knew online, my friend Nate. While my dad and brother played video games around a computer or small TV in the finished basement/playroom near my dad's desk and the couch. I also walked to a gas station, I don't know why, i think I filled up a car that I didn't recognize or drive there, but gas was like$4.18 and when i was done (because really it was stealing because no one could see me...) some guy was like 'nice job' in a van across from me. I turned around and said 'you can see me?' and he said 'yeah, you look better from the back, though' and drove away.
I mean, I was dead. I woke up really disoriented and surprised to find I had a working real body/was alive. It was very very very vivid. I've only had two other dreams this vivid. I didn't sleep much this weekend, so that could be part of it. But the other two were about Christ like, speaking with me. When I was a teenager.
I don't know what to do with all this or what it means. Some people would say it doesn't mean anything but... I don't know. Anyway. Thanks... I just didn't know who to talk to about it.
